Please be okay

A lot of things happened today, and I would like to get them out.

For starters, I think, I sincerely hope, that I helped save a life today.

One of my friends was depressed and slightly suicidal. He and his girlfriend had broken up a month ago, and he wasn't taking it well. I knew he was getting drunk and everything, and I was worried about him. I had another friend check up on him, and apparently everything was all good with him yesterday. But tonight things went wrong. Very wrong.

I'm still in Hawaii and it's nighttime and my brother and I were getting ready to leave the room to explore. I was texting my friend and he asked me a strange question about his wrist and if there were any nerves or important things on the top of it. I immediately thought that he was going to cut himself, so I kept saying that he shouldn't do it, that if he did it'll hurt me and other people as well. My brother and I left the room at this point and we're just playing in the water, and I was casually texting my friend. I didn't hear my text tone or feel the vibration so I didn't know he texted me back until my phone started ringing. He called me and I answered. He was drunk and giddy and he kept saying that he "did it." I knew what he meant but I wanted confirmation so I kept asking questions about what he did. He said he drew happy faces, and I asked where the happy faces were. He said that they were on his arm and I asked what he used to draw the happy faces, and he said he used a razor. That's all I needed to know to kick into overdrive. He hung up with me and I called my friend who lives in the same town as us. He didn't respond, so I tried my friend's ex-girlfriend, because she had previously texted me earlier to see how I was doing. I let her know what was happening and what he was doing to keep her updated.

I wasn't sure what I should do because I wasn't sure if he was suicidal or anything. My friend that lives in the same town as us called me back and I explained to him what was happening. He wasn't sure what I should do or what he should do. I told him that I was going to call the local police and see if they could give me advice on what to do. I told my friend that he should go and check up on him, but to hold off so I can make a decision on what to do. I guess we were in mutual agreement that if he got worse, my friend would go over and see what he could do. My brother recommended that I should not call the police (what I was planning on doing), that I should call the suicide hotline number and ask what I should do. I called hotline and asked them what I should do. They were helpful enough and said I was doing the right thing by sending a friend over to check on him, and that if my friend developed a plan, time frame, or anything like that, that's when I should call the police.

I was continuously texting my unhappy friend and making sure he was alright and checking up on him, when all of a sudden he stops responding to my texts. I get a frantic text from his ex girlfriend telling me that I need to call him as soon as possible. I called him and asked him what was wrong, and apparently he had texted me but I didn't receive it til later. I read the text and found out what had upset him, and he then told me that he didn't want to talk, and he wanted to be alone and he wasn't going to speak to me for a while. I respected that and hung up with him.

About 20 minutes later, the unhappy friend wanted to FaceTime with me, and I accepted, and he was in awful shape. He looked slightly insane. He showed me his cuts, he was shaking and smiling and telling me he wasn't okay, and his sentences were all over the place. The one thing he said that triggered me to help was that he said he needed help. I've been telling him for so long that he needs help, but he always said he didn't. This time he did, and I wanted to act on it even though I'm thousands of miles away. He wanted to hang up on me, but I wanted him to stay on FaceTime with me a bit longer, but he just hung up. I then called my friend that lives in the same town as us right away to tell him what had just happened. Luckily my friend said that unhappy friend had just called  him (didn't really say anything) and that friend who lives in same town was on his way to check on unhappy friend.

Friend that lives in same town goes to unhappy friend's house and unhappy friend immediately tells him to go take him to the police station so he could turn himself in. He turns himself in and friend who lives in same town leaves to call me about what just happened.

And that's where my story will end for now. I don't know. I really want him to be okay, and yeah. I'm grateful that my friends were here and there when I needed them the most. Also, keep in mind, when all of this is happening I'm walking around Waikiki, trying to be normal while having all this going on, and it was really eating at me. Keep in mind that this is the ultra short, condensed version of what was happening.

That's why I'm still awake. I know that my friend is safe, but I'm still worried. There isn't anything I can do though. As soon as I get back, I'll be able to do more, but for now, I can't do anything, and that's what I hate the most. I want to believe that I saved someone's life today, but at the same time I know that I didn't. I just orchestrated everything. And yeah, that's cool too. If I could, I would be a superhero. But I just don't have the time and energy to save the world. I can try, though. I feel like I did the right thing, but I also feel guilty because I wasn't there physically to help.

Anyways, huge shout out to the friend that's in town for helping me out so much. I owe you big time. I can't thank you enough for being there when I needed you. I'm so glad you're one of my closest friends.